Holly part 1

Drip..

Drip…
I wiped the drop of water from my forehead and stared at the front of the room. It was obviously a make shift waiting room. I sat on a stone slab, alone in the empty air filled cavern.The ceiling dripped single drops, as if slowly trying to refill the cavern with water. I sympathized with it. The sharks sucked out the water, to make this room. This waiting room. I walked over to the wall. I graced it with the tip of my fingers.  “I’m like you” I whispered “I'm empty too" I laugh. " I mean I pretty much sold myself... I’ll give you a bit of good news, they will refill you and you will feel fulfilled. I don’t really get to do that, at least until I get pregnant. Even then I might still feel empty" I looked around " that's why I'm here. To make babies. Doesn’t that suck, I mean you feel empty because I needed to wait here, by myself. You don’t even care about that. I mean you’re rock. You reproduce by.. well I actually don’t know if you reproduce I mean.. Well I don’t think you would understand. I mean I don’t really know how it works… I know how it’s done and what happens after but… Yes..To make babies. Yeah and I’m waiting. Why did I come here. Well it would be a lie to say I was the unlucky girl to had her name picked out. I volunteered… Why? I've been asking myself the same question, It's for the good of my village. That's also a lie. You see all you need is water to feel whole again. The part of me that is missing is gone forever... And I’m taking to a wall.”

I return to my stone slab seat and sit. By myself, in the dark, alone. No that's a lie I have the wall. Who is a very good listener. 

I can't leave myself to my thoughts. If I allow myself to realize to be consumed by reality, I will shut down. At least my soul might dissipate into a cloud of smoke. Poof gone. I'm kind of tempted to try.

           I walk back to the wall to continue our conversation.. Or monologue… Nothing I have no more to say. I'm empty.

         I imagine other people who must have waited here. A girl my age escorted in. Sits where I'm sitting, her eyes swollen and filled with tears, her body barely finished morphing, shaking witheach sob. Her grief overwhelming but not enough to crush her. She would sit in silence except for the sounds of sobbing and the cave weeping with her. So much crying.

A few minutes then 10 more girls are escorted in. Some have faces red and swollen from their tears, others filled smiles. Giggling air heads with illusions of big homes and an army of children. So naïve, most women die in childbirth. That's why they're alway recruiting. They tilt their heads and gossip. In the dark cavern they sit and wait, a soundtrack of weeping women, giggling girls, and a weeping cave. Half knowing what's going to happen but at the same time having no idea, they sit and wait.

“I hope the food will be better then at home.”

“All I want is a big room and a nice bed”

“I am not sharing a bathroom”

“Do you think they have kitchens?”

“Don’t be silly why would an officer want you. I’m thin and far prettier”  

I sit there in silence imagining silly girls ramble and ramble on. I fold my hands and looked at the ceiling of the damp cavern. I imagine myself comforting the crying girl, I pat her on the back and offer her my handkerchief; she takes it and wips her eyes. I'm comforting her but she still barely realizes I’m there. She mumbles in a dialect I barely understand. I nod my head as if I understand and she pulls herself in close to me and wets my shirt with her tears.  

This is what I did back in the village. He would always say that I had that effect on people, even the ones who don’t even know my name. He described it as a warm feeling that I gave off that made people instantly feel at ease. It was one of the reasons he fell in love with me. Now it’s more like a curse, the warmth is fake. I feel empty. I probably don't actually have that effect on people anymore. Isn’t that bloody wonderful. I can't help others or myself. He would not have falling for the person I am right now. I hate myself.

         A officer walks in. At least he appears to be a man of high rank, since he didn’t have a rank displayed on his arm band. Well I think that’s what that means. On my journey to the mountain the other sharks were explaining etiquette to me. I wasn't paying attention. I felt cold and my mind was completely blank. All I could think about is whether I can even have children. Many women can’t. I felt like a failure before I could even try. I think I'm in shock, if that what’s this odd ridiculous feeling is called.

It takes me a second to realize he's real. That I didn't make him up. He was so handsome. In a strong man who could throw you over his shoulders and protect you from stuff, kind of way. Not my type but I could make it my type if I was giving the chance. I didn't care anymore. He came in with a smile different from all the other men that I had encountered thus far. “Gwynn?” he said with a smile. "Holly" I corrected. "O my apologies, It took longer than expected to arrange your living arrangements you will be staying with a lady named Mal. If you follow me I will show you to your apartment." He motioned me to leave. I looked back at the cavern and smiled. It soon will feel complete.